I must admit, while I wanted a family of my own more than anything, a small part of me was relieved when, after 13 months of fertility treatments, it clearly wasn’t working for me.
I thought that maybe I didn’t have to do this by myself after all. Maybe that fairytale would still happen for me (you know, the one about the hot guy, nice house, fence, yada yada yada).
Over a year had gone by since I began this journey, and I was pretty confused. The older I became, the less energy I felt I’d have for children, and yet I still felt a huge void.
At that point, I had even less money than when I started, and adoption is more expensive than fertility in some cases (like another $30-45k expensive!!).
I was struggling! I remember spending time with my nieces and nephews, who I love and adore more than anything, but was so glad to be able to return them to their parents and come home to vegetate on my couch! Did that mean I really wasn’t ready to parent? I hoped not.
So, while part of me may have felt relief, I continued to question what would become of my dream.
I was still single and my life was not exactly the way I had imagined it. But despite everything I had been through, I continued to stay positive, learn about myself, give to others and have fun with my friends.
I knew that if I could be happy with myself, the rest would eventually fall into place.
Don’t get me wrong; I had my moments of feeling sorry for myself, until I realized it really didn’t do me any good.
It may not be the life I dreamed of, but it was the life I had been given, so how I chose to live it was was up to me.
So, while I wasn’t quite sure where my journey to motherhood would lead, I knew this chapter had ended.
I continued to believe. For I knew it would take courage, brains, and a lot of heart for my dreams to come true! After all, with a pair of ruby slippers, I would never lose my inner spark and was bound to find my way!
Next Up: My adoption journey begins
Until next time,