Dear Diary,

My deposit is down, and the first consultation with my adoption consultant is set.

Here I go!!!

Pondering…does my child’s gender or sex matter to me? Just one of a laundry list of criteria I need to think about, most of which have never crossed my mind (drug use, criminal background, mental health, etc.). I mean, if I was giving birth myself, I would know that I was taking care of my child, not using any drugs or alcohol, knowing my genetic make-up and my family history. But now, here I am, somewhat leaving it to fate, although it’s comforting to know that I DO have choices.

So far, I’m staying calm, cool and collected…or am I?

I have 3 weeks to put together the first draft of my profile (this is essentially how I will get chosen from an expectant mom to parent her child). My profile is kind of a letter, storyboard and scrapbook all in one.

This is so exciting and so scary!!

Will I get chosen?

November, 2011 –

I have done SOMETHING every day to move the adoption process forward. It took me about 1.5 months to finish my profile.

Time for my home study and another $3,500 (Oy! Writing these big checks stings a bit, but I know the outcome is well worth it, so trying really hard not to stress. I know these check amounts are only going to get larger – breathe in, breathe out!).

Holy paperwork, batman!! Not to mention a physical, FBI clearance, classes and more. Nobody said this process would be simple.

Today, a home study worker is coming to inspect my house (if you want to call it a house – it’s a one-bedroom condo with a small office that I’m converting into a nursery – I HOPE I GET APPROVED!!!). I can’t start applying to any agencies until all of this preliminary work is complete.

THANK THE LORD – I PASSED THE HOME STUDY!!!

What a load off. I think my office was literally to the inch, the size I needed for the baby. This was my biggest worry. My home study worker was really cool though (not like the mean women you see on TV shows sometimes). And there was really NOTHING to worry about!

Now I’m just waiting on all my clearances and final write-up on the home study and then can tackle the next part…agency applications.

Since I got approved (well, technically if my fingerprints show that I’m a criminal, they will put the cabash on the entire thing, but thankfully I’m not worried about that part), I started telling more and more people what I’m up to.