Each of our stories is unique, so try your best not to compare.
Adopting is an emotional process laden with many ups and downs. Keep things in perspective.
When you apply to an agency, you go through a checklist of different scenarios and descriptive characteristics that you would ultimately accept, not accept, or possibly accept in an expectant mother situation.
BUT remember, real live human beings do the matching, so human error can come into play or maybe, sometimes, they just really want to make a match and hope you might change your mind on a few things.
For instance, I received a call from an agency presenting me an opportunity. The expectant mother was pregnant with her 8th child, all of whom had been placed for adoption. She tested positive for crystal meth, had admitted to smoking pot and cigarettes, and while she hadn’t admitted to alcohol consumption, the caseworker saw empty alcohol bottles in her home. Had this agency carefully reviewed my application and what I was open to and not open to, they would have never presented me this situation. But they did!
In addition, one of the benefits of working with an adoption consultant is our network of agencies across the country. We get opportunities sent to us when they are having a difficult time making a match. This could be for so many reasons…yes, some are “riskier” situations or simply, for whatever reason, the agency just doesn’t have many families waiting who fit the bill. As consultants, we can then send these situations out to our clients as another avenue for a potential match.
On a side note, this is exactly how I was ultimately matched…NOT through an agency I applied to. But, I digress…
Soon after I turned down the situation I was called about, I also received a couple emails from my consultant with more situations that felt too risky for me and not a good match…FOR ME.
Everyone’s comfort levels are different.
It got me thinking…and doubting…and frankly, wondering if I really should have passed these up if I ever really wanted to become a mother. This feeling is very common, but remember to stay true to yourself!!
I remember calling my consultant for some perspective on the situation and to my relief, she assured me that there would be “healthier options.” Phew!
And if you are following my Facebook page, here’s my post from July 15th…The #1 concern from my clients is whether their adopted child will be healthy. Did you know that 85 percent of adopted children are rated to have “excellent” or “very good” health?
That said, there WILL be things in every situation that give you pause, but in the end, you have to choose a situation you are comfortable with.
I couldn’t wait to get a call about a situation I felt good about! But even when that does happen, it doesn’t mean that it’s a sure thing. After all, I have to be chosen as well.
So, in the meantime, it’s a waiting game for the right situations to be presented and ultimately to be chosen, too! Argh, the wait!
Until next time,