It’s a question I get a lot. What would YOU do? What do YOU think? If only I had all the answers. If only I knew just HOW much of a risk a particular adoption situation was. Only one person can really make the decision and that’s YOU.
I’m talking about adoption situations that you are presented. You are given information about a particular expectant mother and you have to decide whether or not to show your profile to be considered to parent her child. You have to decide if this is a situation you are comfortable with. You have to decide if it falls within your parameters, meets your criteria, is in your budget and ultimately if it feels good enough to take the risk. It’s a lot to consider and yes, it’s always a risk. That is, unless the baby has been born and papers signed. That’s what everyone wishes for, but doesn’t happen too often.
There are things you can look for to try and mitigate your risks, and it’s always ok to ask questions. Things I typically look for when reviewing an adoption situation…
➢ Is the birthfather in the picture? If so, does he know about the adoption plan and is he agreeable?
➢ What support systems does the expectant mother have? Does her family know? Are they agreeable? If not, who is supporting her in her decision?
➢ How far along in her pregnancy is she? A longer wait feels riskier and yet, matching earlier sometimes gives the expectant mom peace of mind.
➢ Substances – is she using now or has she in the past? If in the past, how long before the pregnancy? If right up until the pregnancy and reporting no usage now, how realistic is that? Is the story making sense?
➢ Does she have other children? If so, how is their health? Who do they live with?
➢ Has she ever placed for adoption before?
➢ Does she have medical coverage – Medicaid, personal insurance or otherwise?
➢ Why is she making an adoption plan.
Having answers to all of these questions is ideal, but doesn’t always work out that way. Either way, you have to take what you information you do have, make whatever sense you can out of the situation and then go with your gut! Because what someone else would do may be different than what you decide to do…and that’s ok! No two adoption situations are alike and no two families are alike. Only YOU know what feels right to you.
So, next time you are presented an adoption situation to consider, do your due diligence, ask the right questions, and then TRUST YOUR GUT! Instead of asking someone else their opinion, make a decision and then move forward. When the right situation presents itself, the right match will be made.