The adoption process can often feel like an emotional storm with never ending obstacles. I get it, I’ve been there. As an adoption consultant and adoptive mama, I know what you’re worried about. Here are things I hear from people all the time:
- Does is have to be an open adoption? I don’t want another woman trying to parent my child.
- Which agencies are reputable?
- We already have children, I’m single, I’m gay, I’m in my 40s, will we ever get picked?
- It feels so intrusive.
- I don’t know how to put together a profile.
- Do all birth mothers use drugs? I want a healthy baby.
- How long will this take?
- What will the birth mother be like?
- My life is so busy, but I’m committed.
Let me put your mind at ease about these things…these things that might me stopping you in your tracks when considering adoption. If you are in the midst of your journey, maybe these things keep you up at night.
Open adoption. 85-90% of adoptions are now “open,” but that can mean A LOT of different things. “Open” can mean sending photos and letters to your agency, without identifying information, who then sends it to your child’s birth mother. If you look at open adoption, it can be all the way at the other end of the spectrum where you are celebrating the holidays with your child’s birth family. Your open adoption may evolve over time, but trust me, it is not as scary as you may think.
Reputable agencies. You must vet your agencies and do your due diligence when considering which ones to apply to. It is all about asking the right questions. You must ask questions about how they treat expectant mothers and the care they offer to them after birth. You need to ask about their licensing and whether or not it is up-to-date. Considering adoption laws in the agency’s state is not only important but necessary.
Getting picked by an expectant mom. If you are thinking about all the reasons why an expectant mom wouldn’t pick you (e.g. “I’m too old”), then you are not thinking about all the reasons why an expectant mom would pick you. Yes, there are some agencies that won’t work with you if you’re over 50. However, those agencies will still work with couples as long as one of you is under their age maximum. Ultimately, you never know what will resonate with an expectant mother. Perhaps she always wanted to go fishing with her father growing up, and you like to go fishing on summer weekends. Or maybe she has the same dog as your family does. Expectant mothers are looking for things that make them feel connected to you, and more often than not, age, sexual orientation, and religion, do not have to be THE determining factors.
To find out my answers to the rest of these frequently asked questions, watch the rest of this video and leave any other questions you may have in the comment section.