No really, what does it really take to find the right match? Just like anything in life it takes a little bit of luck and a lot of hard work. A match in the world of adoption means an expectant mother has chosen you to place her child with and you have chosen her back. Finding the right match with an expectant mother begins with being educated about what makes an adoption situation “right.”
Here’s a few things you need to educate yourself about:
Open versus closed adoptions. In this day and age, there aren’t really such things as closed adoptions and open adoptions aren’t as scary as you may think. You need to learn more about what it means to have an open adoption and all the varying degrees of openness. One part of being open is in the way you talk about things at home with your child.
What questions to ask. It is important that you know what kinds of questions to ask when presented with an adoption situation, which could lead to a match. The right questions have to do with knowing the state of the expectant mother’s pregnancy, family medical history, the likelihood of substance use during pregnancy, the birth father’s involvement in the adoption plan, etc. It’s also important for you to trust your gut in some situations because, often, that feeling in the pit of your stomach may be telling you it’s not the right match after all.
Birth father rights. Yes, birth fathers have rights, and if he is in the picture, you want to make sure he was awarded those rights. It is necessary that he is comfortable with the adoption plan before you decide to match with an expectant mother.
Birth mother support. You must educate yourself on the grief and trauma that comes with a birth mother’s decision to place her child for adoption. Then take it a step further and ask your agency how they provide support to their birth mothers after placement. This can be things like offering one-on-one counseling or a safe space for a support group.
Transracial adoption. If you’re open to adopting a child of a race other than your own, then must be willing to examine what that will look like for you and your family. Is your family accepting? Will your child fit in the community you live in, or would you be willing to move? Can it work? Absolutely. However, you have to be willing to educate and give yourself the tools to make it work.
Mental health issues. If you are adopting an older children that may have grown up with another family, you need to be aware of any mental health and related issues they may have. You have to put in the work to understand where they are coming from and why they may do the things they do.
Finding the right match is all about educating yourself on what is right for you and your family. It’s about going to classes on adoption, reading books, and talking to people like adoptees, birth moms, other adoptive parents, doctors, and professionals.
What about learning more through internet searches and Facebook groups? Watch the video to find out if the internet is your friend or foe.