"We worked so closely with Rachel, our consultant through RG consulting, it was hard to imagine we were only one of her prospective families. "Dimple and Jay, Illinois
Dimple & Jay’s Story
The story of Dimple and Jay began 13 years ago. Since we got married in our mid-20s, we decided we would wait 1.5-2 years and then have a baby. Yes, we decided. Many years, countless fertility treatments, and tens of thousands of dollars later, we were left empty handed. We had discussed the idea of adoption very early in our marriage as it was something we both felt passionate about. At that time, we never imagined it would become our primary route to parenthood.
It was in 2016 we signed on with a local adoption agency, submitted what seemed like endless paperwork, completed a home study, and were fully ‘marketable’ as prospective adoptive parents. At that point, we were so excited and hopeful, we thought we’d be getting ‘match’ calls left and right. We were very very bluntly told by our agency that the wait could be up to one to two years, so we really needed to be patient and put our entire parenthood dream on the back burner (actual advice from our agency).
Only six months later, we were contacted by a colleague who knew about our hope to adopt. His teenage daughter was pregnant and wanted to make an adoption plan. We were extremely cautious as she had all the ‘high risk for failed adoption’ signs: she was super young, she had very young parents, and she matched super early in her pregnancy. We followed her from four months of pregnancy all the way through delivery. Dimple attended her OB appointments, and we met her immediate and extended family, who were all aware of the adoption plan. We had dinner with her and the birth father. We were there at delivery and took full care of the baby in the hospital. We always thought, ‘things are just too good to be true.’ On the day the baby boy was to be discharged to us from the hospital, the grandparents decided they would now help raise the baby. The grandparents are who reached out to us in the first place. To say we were heartbroken here would be an understatement. We were so invested – both emotionally and financially. Our families were also quite invested and could not understand how something like this could happen. Jay and I realized watching their pain was so much harder than just dealing with this on our own.
Only six months following this failed adoption, we actually learned we were pregnant. It was surreal and Dimple was tolerating the pregnancy very well; we spent New Year’s Eve cozy on the sofa drinking sparkling juice as we rang in 2018. It was only during a routine ultrasound a month later where we learned we had lost the baby.
Much of 2018 was spent actually doubting the adoption process and even considering adoption attorneys, but something about having attorneys handle everything just didn’t sit well with us. Though we were not getting any action back at our agency, we had renewed our home study three times already, which stung a bit more each year. We had moved from downtown Chicago to the suburbs almost 4 years prior to work on family planning; we got a house in a very family friendly neighborhood in a great school district. Late 2018, we started imagining our future as “if we have kids” vs “when we have kids.” We decided an empty room painted in gender neutral nursery colors was something we did not need, and a move was in order; we made the decision to leave our single-family house in the suburbs and move to a cozy 1-bedroom condo a block from the beach in the city.
It was during the time we were planning our move in October 2018 that our agency social worker gave us Rebecca’s name. She knew that this would ultimately divert money from her agency, but she also knew we had been waiting over two years. We set up our initial consult with Becca within a few days because we figured a consult couldn’t hurt. We absolutely loved talking with her. She was so positive and enthusiastic; and while we were of course skeptical with her reported results, we would be lying if we said our 30-minute conversation didn’t spark some new hope in us. We made the decision to sign on pretty quickly after our initial consult. Yes, there is a fee. But we had already spent so much over the past couple years and had nothing to show for it. So we took the leap.
We worked so closely with Rachel, our consultant through RG consulting, it was hard to imagine we were only one of her prospective families. The level of attention we received was amazing. We were getting situations, we were getting feedback and insight from Rachel and Becca, and we were getting prompt responses. Our journey to parenthood was moved from the back burner and now in full force. On December 15, 2018 we got the call. The call we had been waiting for; we were matched, and the expectant mother was due in three weeks! This was two and a half months to the date after we had signed on with RG Adoption Consulting. We were scrambling to get things in order so quickly – we needed yet another renewed home study as we had just completed our move less than two weeks prior! We flew from Chicago to Houston on New Years Eve and rang in 2019 on a shuttle to the rental car center at the Houston airport. Around 2am on Jan 1st, we met the most beautiful baby girl and instantly bonded. We were able to spend quality time bonding with her birth mother who we could tell was such an amazing mom to her other two daughters. We had all the paperwork to be discharged from the hospital, and the nurse told us to go install our car seat. Somewhere in the 30 minutes it took us to install the seat in the midst of a severe thunderstorm and pick up some lunch for the birth mother, she changed her mind. Just like that. It had started to seem eerily similar to our last match, and then it became unfortunately identical. We picked ourselves up, cancelled hotel reservations, returned as many baby items as we could, updated the few friends and family members who we had shared the news with, and booked last-minute flights back to Chicago. Still just the two of us.
Back in Chicago, we became hesitant to present to situations. We weren’t sure if we could survive going through this sort of pain and honestly embarrassment a third time should we be matched again. We received tons of support, love, and outreach from the RG community giving us sympathy, kind words, and plenty of hopeful stories. In all honesty, when you are in that moment, all the hopeful stories in the world are not nearly as hopeful as their intent. Rachel and Becca were incredibly supportive and understanding of our hesitancy. We could feel their hearts sinking with ours. Despite our fear of another fall through, we decided to present to a situation within a few weeks of returning from Houston. This expectant mother happened to also be in Houston through the same agency. This only increased our hesitancy. When we learned we had matched a few days later, we were…torn. The excitement and fear were nearly neck and neck, and we really kept our expectations very low through the six weeks until delivery. The timing seemed great, the birth mother seemed lovely, and the situation seemed a little too good to be true. The next few weeks honestly felt like an eternity. When we got the call that our birth mother was headed to the hospital a week early, we followed the same motions as before and booked the next flight to Houston. This time around, we were carrying quite a bit of emotional baggage.
Our sweet baby boy was born February 11, 2019 @ 4:05am. We were able to hold him in our arms by 11am that day. This hospital course was unlike our previous fall throughs in that the hospital provided us with a room in the same ward, and we were able to be with him 24/7 until the time of discharge. Our birth mom is an incredibly brave woman with unapparelled strength, and we are all so fortunate to have her in our lives. Additionally, we will never forget the kindness of the nursing staff and the respect they showed for us as a family. Just having someone call us “mom and dad” was something we had no idea we’d been waiting so long for, and this very simple comment that they likely didn’t think twice about was so incredibly touching.
This is when the story of Dimple and Jay turns into the story of Dimple, Jay, and Dylan. We have a great relationship with our birth mom, sending updates and pictures monthly, and we continue to have an amazing relationship with Rachel and Becca as we know our real journey has just begun. Dylan will be eight weeks old soon, and we cannot imagine our lives without him. We will continue to utilize the post-adoption resources and community Becca has set up as a constant guide and sounding board moving forward. If we could adjust things and still end up with Dylan in our lives, we absolutely wish we would have known about RG Consulting much earlier in our journey to parenthood.