"We cannot wait to work with Rachel to adopt baby #2!"Scott & Lauren, Kentucky
Lauren & Scott’s Story
Scott and I met in the summer of 2008 and married in May of 2016. We were living a life that many dream of. We had successful professional careers. We enjoyed spending time outdoors, traveling and checking out new restaurants, but there was still something missing in our lives. We always discussed having a large family one day and adoption has always been a part of that dream. What we did not realize is that adoption would most likely be the only way to have the family we always wanted.
After years of not becoming pregnant, Scott and I came to an intersection where we needed to make a decision. Do we look into adoption or do we continue with life as we knew it.
We had been throwing around the idea of adoption for several years, but neither one of us wanted to initiate the process. Why? Because of fear. Should we adopt? Will we connect with an adopted child? Will we know his or her family history? What does open adoption look like? Will a birth mother choose us—two people who are older? How will our friends and family react? Can we financially afford adoption?
What we now realize is that every individual going through an adoption journey experiences these same exact fears. If we put all of our time and energy into what COULD happen then nothing WILL happen.
In April of 2019 we were introduced to RG Adoption Consulting through a family in our neighborhood. This family recently adopted a biracial little girl from Florida and they spoke very highly of RG Adoption. I remember reaching out to my friend one afternoon asking her if we could hear about her adoption journey.
After our conversation, it solidified my desire to proceed with adoption and create the family that Scott and I have always wanted. I spoke with Scott that evening and we decided to schedule an initial phone call with Rebecca. Within 24 hours of that conversation, Scott and I decided to take a leap of faith and joined the waiting list for RGAC.
On our 3 year wedding anniversary, Scott and I received an email stating that we were officially off the waiting list and that our adoption journey was about to begin. I took that as a good sign!
Scott and I both understood that this journey may take some time so we decided to not tell any of our family or friends about it until we became “active” with an agency. To many people this stage may feel overwhelming; however, I took charge, set weekly goals, and got through the paperwork diligently. By doing this, we were home study approved in August of 2019. Then it was time to wait for the perfect situation to come our way…
Scott and I were excited about this adventure. Up until this point, our journey had been without any roadblocks. We had an agreement that we both had to be 100% on board with an adoption situation or we would not present. Scott had to remind me of this a few times throughout our process because there were plenty of situations that didn’t meet our criteria entirely, but I so badly wanted to be a mother. It was hard to say “no” to those situations, but Scott would continuously tell me to trust the process.
Just about 5 weeks after becoming active with our first agency, we received a situation that not only fit our criteria, but it was the first situation that we both said “YES” to. After speaking with our consultant, Rachel, we came up with some questions that we needed answered before making our “yes” official.
It might have been coincidental; however, when I arrived at my office the next morning, my first one-hour appointment was cancelled (which never happens)! This gave me the time I needed to call the social worker and get those answers that would make all the difference.
That evening we decided to present to the expectant mother. The following Monday, I received a phone call from the agency stating that she had chosen us to parent her child. I was so excited! I immediately called Scott to tell him the good news.
As quickly as we were matched, it dissolved even faster. As all the paperwork was being processed, the lawyer with the agency we matched with found out that the birth mother was working with two different agencies. He advised Scott and I to end the match so we are not at any financial loss.
I was upset, but even more I was angry about the situation. One of my biggest fears regarding adoption was experiencing a failed match and taking a huge financial hit. I thought we crossed our T’s and dotted our I’s before presenting on this situation. There were no major red flags. How could we have been so foolish to fall into a financial trap?
I wanted nothing more than to forget about this expectant mother and her child and continue to focus on our journey. However, Scott and I were presented with her situation again from another agency we were working with. How could this be? We just matched with her and she was now working with another agency to pick a third family!
I experienced a gamut of emotions, but mostly I was angry. The birth father continued to pop up on my social media page. As much as I wanted to get away from them, they were always there in some manner.
Looking back and past all the emotions we were experiencing, I realized this was just a sign that this child was meant to be ours. Scott and I continued to receive situations from our agencies however we never agreed to present. Deep down I kept thinking about our first match.
I began to question our journey. Is adoption the right thing for Scott and I? Should we continue the process? I was mentally exhausted and just when I wanted to give up I received an email from the agency that we initially matched with. The expectant mother, Nicole, came back to the agency and wanted Scott and I to reconsider the match. Our social worker told us that Nicole couldn’t stop thinking about us.
Our initial reaction was “HECK NO,” but as a few days passed and we were able to process what just happened and we became open to reconsidering the match. We asked the questions we needed answered and those red flags that we initially had were discussed. The birth father had already signed over his rights.
We leaned on Rachel when making the decision to continue with the match. Although Rachel did not love parts of this situation and she had concerns, I had this gut feeling and I could not shake it. After much prayer, Scott and I decided to re-match with our initial match and expectant mother. She was due with a baby boy in just 9 weeks.
We fostered a relationship with our son’s birth mother during this time. The first time we talked with our birth mother via text was incredible. We would text over the course of hours, and it was so fun to find out more about her family dynamics, interests, likes/dislikes, personality, cravings, etc.
Building that friendship was so important to Scott and I because we will never hide the adoption from our child. We wanted to get to know the birth parents as much as possible so we can one day tell our child about them. Zeke’s birth mother will always hold a special place in our hearts. Without her, we would not have this beautiful child that will one day call me mommy.
We decided on Christmas to give our family the best gift—a note that read: “We’re Adopting…We Matched…Baby Boy due in four weeks.” Everyone was beyond excited.
On Sunday, January 19th, 2020, Scott and I flew into Tampa for the birth of our son. The birth mother’s birthing plan did not go as expected and he was born via C-section on Wednesday. I was able to support our birth mother as she was induced and in labor. Being there for her, cutting Zeke’s umbilical cord, holding him, and seeing Scott’s face the first time he laid eyes on Zeke are memories that I will cherish forever. Zeke was perfect. He was meant to be with us.
Besides the birth or our son Zeke, working with our consultant Rachel was by far the best part of our journey with RGAC. I loved that Rachel had adopted previously so she understood the fears that Scott and I were experiencing. She walked Scott and I through each stage of the process and was open and honest with us. There was no judgement for turning down a situation that came our way.
Rachel pushed us when needed and she was our support throughout this unbelievably crazy yet amazing journey. She protected Scott and I when we needed it. Our birth mother continued to ask for more money days before signing. Before we even asked, Rachel reached out to Rebecca who was on the phone with the adoption agency’s lawyer within the hour. To me, this speaks volumes about what they represent.
Since the birth of our son, we keep in contact with our birth mother every two weeks via text. We fostered a beautiful relationship with the adoptive parents of our child’s biological brothers.
This relationship has become so special to us and they were truly part of our support system. We have plans on getting together every summer. We all want the boys to know each other and grow up alongside one another. We thought we were adopting one son but our family grew in such a more meaningful way. Now we feel as though we have teammates in navigating our open adoption.
Looking back, Scott and I would tell ourselves that the adoption journey will be difficult. It will test our love, desire and determination to continue the process to become parents. Trust the process. Listen to your gut and don’t let fear get in your way. We are so grateful that everything worked out the way it did because it led us to our son. We could not have done this without RG Adoption Consulting. We cannot wait to work with Rachel in a few years to adopt baby #2!