"Becca earned a great amount of respect from me that day as I felt heard, which is what I was deeply desiring at that point." Nicole, Michigan
After turning 36, and reflecting on my life, I came to the realization that my desire to become a mother was at the heart of my rationale for dating. So I stopped dating and chose instead, to become a Single Mother by Choice. Once I made this decision, I knew immediately adoption was the route I would take.
Being naive and new to adoption, I signed up to work with a local agency believing they would come through with a match seeing how I was one of three adoptive waiting families and they typically did eight matches/adoptions a year through their agency. Five months into my process with them, I was listening to the Infant Adoption Guide podcast, where Rebecca, from RG Adoption Consulting, was being interviewed. Her strategy of using many agencies at once was one I had never heard of but it made sense to me. Plus, she is a single mother herself. I reached out for a free consultation to learn more and see if and how RG Adoption Consulting could help. Becca truly listened that day, offered great tips and recommendations around next steps, and suggested I reach back out to her after being with the agency for a year if things were still not moving along the way I had hoped. Becca earned a great amount of respect from me that day as I felt heard, which is what I was deeply desiring at that point. I felt like it wasn’t about the money for her, but instead, to really guide me the best way she could.
In the meantime, I became licensed as a foster parent in hopes of possibly adopting a set of siblings who may already be available for adoption. After receiving my second foster placement of a 4-day old little girl, my heart knew that I had to pursue domestic infant adoption with greater fervor, as everything in me wanted to become a mom of a newborn and to begin sharing my life and experiences with another. I reached back out to Becca once again where we talked through my current situation, my hopes to adopt, and any concerns I had regarding adoption. Yet again Becca listened intently and we went to work immediately choosing agencies and revising my adoption profile.
I signed up to work with RG Adoption Consulting in March and by the beginning of May, had my revised profile in hand. I applied to work with two agencies and by the end of May, received THE email – I was chosen by an expectant mom. Within a day or two, she and I were on the phone chatting and connecting.
Although I had signed up to work with agencies, my match came through an adoption advertising company – something Becca nor I were that familiar with but would figure out together. Throughout the journey, my adoption consultant was a knowledgeable resource that was able to really lead me and my adoption team through my unique adoption journey.
The process moved at a quick pace. Unbeknownst to me, I became the main contact for the expectant mother, which was not something I was comfortable with nor prepared for. Becca, knowing that I not only did not have time to continue to be the middleman with updating everyone and being the main point of contact, pulled everyone on the team together into a video conference call in order to discuss roles, responsibilities, and next steps. I truly believe this call, bringing everyone together as a team, face-to-face, was a game-changer for why the rest of my adoption process would go so smoothly.
About two weeks after my match, I flew down to meet the expectant mother I was matched with and her three children. We instantly clicked. Through this process, we were both in agreement that we see our open adoption relationship as an extension of our families.
My son arrived at the end of July, just four days before my own birthday and 6 days before his birthmother’s birthday. I was able to be at the hospital in the waiting room the day of his arrival and was able to meet him just a half hour after he was born. The moment we met, it all felt so natural. His birthmother even mentioned several times how he responded differently to me and how this made her happy, as she knew that he and I were meant to be together.
While we certainly had our minor ups and downs over the two days in the hospital, I found my relationship with his birthmother just grew stronger. We found ourselves making joint decisions and working together to complete paperwork. The evening our son was released from the hospital into my care still seems like such a surreal moment; I had no doubt in my mind I was going to be a good mother. I didn’t have a fear in the world when I picked him up that evening, yet I just couldn’t believe he was mine. After being an aunt or a loved one to others’ children, I never realized that I too would and could be a mom as well. I found myself pinching myself over the next month. It’s no longer a dream! I am truly a mom and my little one will be with me for the long haul.
With needing to remain in the state where he was born for 11 days, we spent our time with my son’s birth mother and her other children. We spent time as a family going to playgrounds, the zoo, and taking walks together. I used that time to learn as much as I could about my son’s birthmother- she shared family traditions with me, offered tips around allergies that her other 3 children have had, etc. We really got to know one another and each day we spent together, we expressed our thankfulness that God brought the two of us together and that neither of us would have expected to meet someone so similar to ourselves.
We both look forward to what the future holds and keep in contact regularly through photo sharing, video chat, and text messages. In the future, we hope to continue visiting one another.
Although, I knew I always wanted to be a mom and waited almost 20 years to become one; there are still so many surprises, feelings, and moments of love that I never in my wildest dreams would have expected. My little man, Sullivan, is absolutely amazing and could not be any more adorable. He has so many traits and characteristics that I had as a newborn – doesn’t like napping, is a constant chatterbox and his fine motor skills are impressive. It’s things like watching him wake up in the morning or the moments when he looks up into my eyes and smiles, that my heart just melts and the tears start to roll down my cheeks. I love my little man with all my heart and cannot imagine my life without him. Sullivan has added so much joy and purpose to my life!
